Responding Compassionately to Survivors of Abuse and Rape Trauma

Please note that this can be adapted to any form of abuse including physical abuse, emotional abuse, and domestic abuse.

First confessions of abuse or rape should be responded to with a supportive, open ended statement, such as, “It sounds as though you have been really hurt. Can you tell me more?”

Tell them it’s not their fault. You can never make someone hurt you.

Tell survivors of date rape that bad judgment is not a rapable offense.

Tell them they don’t deserve it. No one deserves to get hurt.

Tell them they are not crazy. A person who has been abused often feels upset, depressed, confused, and scared. Let them know that these feelings are normal feelings to have.

Tell them good things about themselves. Let them know you think they are smart and brave.

Don’t blame them for the abuse or their long term mistakes resulting from the abuse or rape. Healing from abuse and rape is hard and can take a very long time.

Don’t try to pretend that everything will be fine. Encourage them to seek treatment and support. Encourage them to seek a wide support system--go to a support group, talk to family and friends.

Don’t try to make them do anything they don’t want to do (it won’t work unless it’s their decision).

Encourage them to seek medical attention for injuries.

Give then information about abuse--you can call your local crisis line and get information.

Symptoms of Rape Trauma and Childhood Sexual Abuse in Adults:

Depression
Suicidal tendencies
Fear of abandonment by loved ones
Burying, stifling or numbing feelings
Low self-esteem
Persistent negative thoughts about self or one’s situation
Anxiety--sometimes particular sights, sounds, places, smells or events will trigger anxiety
Panic attacks
Inability to trust
Trusting too easily
Propensity to abusive relationships
Withdrawal from relationships
Aches and pains unrelated to any physical illness
Nightmares
Difficulty sleeping
Sleep difficulties
Bulimia and anorexia
Over eating
Self mutilation such as inserting needles under skin or carving oneself with plastic knives
Outbursts of anger
Drug and alcohol dependencies
Feeling unable to properly parent one’s own children

Sexuality issues

   Symptoms common to both abuse and rape:
   Discomfort with any form of touch
   Inability to enjoy sex
   Withdrawal from sex
   Feeling dirty about sex
   Feeling unable to say “no” to sex
   Abuse related symptoms:
   Promiscuity
   Addictions to sex
   Confusion about sexual orientation
   Sexualizing relationships
   Sometimes survivors are both promiscuous and unable to enjoy sex